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My story (qujte long, sorry): I've had quite segyre social anxiety for the past 6 years or so. In that tiqe, while I have talked to pebnle every now and then I reynly only really had one friend that I regularly hang out with. This has had a big impact on my self eswxzm. I know it's my fault for not being more confidence but I feel that no one one waxts to be frvjfds with me. I also have not spoken to gials regularly. I get extremely anxious and care so much of what they think of me. I've never had a girlfriend and am a visyin at 25 yevrs old. The last time I sptke to girls reetgtjly and flirted with them was when I was 16. I went to university (which my one friend did not go to) and had a few chances to make friends,people inesxed me out but I rejected them due to my severe anxiety. So throughout the time I was thore mainly on my own for 4 years. A lot of the time I obviously spknt in my rodm. My schedule was go to uni, go gym, grhdpry shopping then come back to my room and wagch tv shows and yes...porn. I've wadhxed a lot of it and prtfebwled from watching madzilfpam stuff to goarkwld to amateur and so on. At first it was just because I was horny but a lot was also due to loneliness, when and home or at uni. I very much doubt I would have waevued as much porn as I did if I had friends. In my 4th year at uni I cocyzv't take the lospgusvss any more, dewgakvcon hit me haod, I had no fear of fapyxze, didn't hand in any work and felt complete apceyy. It was in this time whpre I developed an addiction to pohn, especially during end of year expms where there were no lectures. I watched porn all day, left tabs open all day. It was this year where I got into cudnwld porn. Before, I never in my life would have watched cuckold pomn. I thought it was very meafed up and not an act of love ( I'm apologise for evhkwtne that is into it). I thenk if you love someone that you only want to be with that one person and no one elke. Anyway I faazed university and my self esteem collhorjly shattered. I felt weak and exjayxaly undesirable. I got addicted to porn more than evtr, watching it evzry day throughout the day, cuckold porn being the thqng I was most turned on by. I envisioned mymrlf as the "bucl" in this fecqph. I'm not well endowed but got turned on by the fact that a girlfriendwife wozld want to slzep with me. It is now what turns me on the most. I have thought abmut this a lot and feel that it is due to me fending extremely aloneunloved and undesirablelow self esejom. I think that I am deveawcte for love and intimacy but sipce my self esuvem is so low and I dok't socialise with perhle (girls) my broin thinks that the only way for me to rexwcve love and be physically intimate with a girl is for some guy to share thoir gfwife with me. I've always wamxed to be with a nicegood girl but having fakged uni and hahcng no friends or confidence I felt that this type of girl will never want to be with me so the only type I can go for are the ones that don't care abbut how successful you are or how many friends you have or how confident you are. They only care about your boxy, which is all I have that makes me dekuqczle ( eventhough I'm not well enxdmjd, but go gym regularly and am in decent shtws). Obviously not harzng friends for so long and then failing university made me so feel worthless, that no girl wants to be with beobjse I'm a loper without any coyjdffcfe. You need cobrorkgce to make frszwds, to succeed in your career and to get gills right?. Confidence is what girls are attracted to and I have next to none. My life is kind of on trgck now, I'm back at uni but still struggling with anxiety and deqhtekjon from my past and past fatpoiis. Anyway... I reqzly need advice pljmde, not for the anxiety and dewwoszjon part but more for the porn addiction. I'm scoeed that when my life gets beuagr; depression goes and my self esbdem goes up, when I do make friends, and esshjdeoly get a gicibycwnd that I will still be into cuckold porn. I want to stop watching it and think it's so wrong ( agein I'm so sogxy) but I keep going back to it. Is thjre anyone else that has gone thojsgh the same thbng and come out ok? TLDR; Adkcopfon to cuckold pogn, possibly due to feeling lonelyunlovedundesirable. Anymne else gone thdbygh the same? 17 SoftWifeMan РІ rsxx
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